Searching for an image online, I picked this one. I never really use any of my own artwork, because I rather it be an image that looks good. While searching for this image, I noticed another one that sort of seemed similar to my own art style, a kind of cartoonish look, with hardly any shading or realism attached. I immediately felt an impulse of self-reflection.
I really do need to make certain I give credit to these artists when I post their images from now on. I suppose I get caught up in the free flow of the internet, that I forget just how talented these people are. I know art (like all things) is subjective, but it is something I meditate upon a lot.
Recently, I created an animation because of the UFO Congressional Hearings.
It is definitely a challenge when I release any new type of drawing, animation, or similar visual art, because of how little people respond to it. Thus, I am often met with a choice of whether I desire to indulge in thoughts of a victim mentality, or simply stand resolute in my meditation.
Usually, I find myself making the correct choice in meditation. There might be an acute energy of somber that lingers, but I am aware of it as an emotion that I can burn through like any other. The ritual show of tears is too dramatic of a situation for me to drum up again— after all, it never seems to help my situation. Especially, since I have a deeper understanding of why my work is not receiving much attention. So long as I don’t give thoughts of unworthiness the time of day, I am never bothered in anything I do.
Though, still a mild pressure will arise in how I desire to improve my endeavor. That endeavor has always remained as how to approach more Enlightenment. I often do this by sensing the ever changing energy within me, before it becomes thought. But, the pressure comes, when I start to believe I have to think in order to improve my situation. I start thinking about what I need to say in my writings, my podcast, and to the various people I may interact with in the future. In my mind, I believe myself to be perfecting my words, in such a way, where the spiritual logic all fits together nicely. Then I remember, this is not Enlightenment. This is just refinement of thought.
Of course, while thinking in this way, it creates a space of neutrality within me. It isn’t at all negative to think or imagine situations where I may say something that is seemingly profound or creative, of which, would allow me to open some sort of ascensional rift into becoming a god-like entity. It’s just that I often see how it couldn’t possibly come through that way. Because that is all in the realm of thought. And so it would only be an outwardly mechanical appearance, and not exactly an authentic one.
Which brings me to where I remain. Always baited by thought, like a carrot on a stick. Assuming that maybe it has the answer to all my problems, if I only searched long enough within its rambunctious realm of wiles and intrigue.
The only way forward is to keep doing whatever I enjoy doing. My interests are scattered from a variety of artistic or spiritual endeavors, that I have yet to master any of. Writing is but one interest of mine; which does seem to be the most likely of all my endeavors to support me, yet I still don’t know. I am curious as to how my life will evolve. If I will be able to make a living at all, or if I will be guided to enact a more audacious mystical alternative, as I write this verse:
An aroma of rising bread,
I feel the glaze of that virtual solemn festivity.
Karma is present in the three-fold world,
Every day I burn up only a blade of grass.
Revealing my hand,
Approaching the myriad forms of colored glass
Rokazulu's Mystical Eschaton 