As it were, I have material desires. And I have noticed that perhaps the only way to fulfill those desires is through my own will to integrate more with how society functions. A strange occurrence indeed. As I use to be able to give up any thought I had to do anything differently, by assuming I had no material desire at all. Yet, in reality I was avoiding something. I realized that I had to push myself to take my desire all the way, so that when I fail, I can see that I have tried everything I could.
After listening to an interview with the famous influencer Mr. Beast, I decided I would start doing some of the things that is known to attract more attention to your work. While, I attempted to create more interesting titles and thumbnails for my podcast and animations, I didn’t really see much difference in attention. However, I recently created an article on medium.com titled: ‘5 Signs You Are Exhibiting Toxic Positivity’. (I did not include this article on my website).
It was the first time I created a “click-bait” title, and it definitely created more attention as a result. Yet, these are the exact kinds of things I use to dread ever becoming a part of, and now I am seeing if I would feel comfortable in psuedo-manipulating people’s minds into clicking my stuff. For me, I still don’t know. On one hand, it allows people to come to my content, which I know takes into account many aspects of reality that no one else has ever reconciled before. And yet, on the other hand, if I compromise in this way— it could easily lead to a degradation in my work.
I have also noticed that my content is probably seen as boring or undesirable. Just like how people flock to click-bait titles like moths to a consuming fire; most of what people watch is something grounded in the reality of either money, education, or comedy. Thus, I decided writing more educational articles, and making numerous funny animations. Though again, it doesn’t appear to capture anyone’s prolonged attention.
This is quite understandable. I too, look at articles and videos in the same exact manner. I usually feel that I have “seen it all” and so not very much sparks my prolonged interest. I tend to gravitate towards material that is, at least, somewhat popular than those who have almost no attention at all.
Something tells me that this can’t possibly all be for vain. This Enlightenment journal of my week-to-week process may perhaps be useful for people to see, if I ever happen to breakthrough to more people. Or perhaps only useful to me in the moment, to feel as though I am at least doing something to create more positive change in the world, and in my life. Especially, my life! And I wonder about that the most.
I often consider the mystic Jiddu Krishnamurti, who never had the need to touch money. And therefore, there was never a need to compromise, by calling attention to his namesake. Though, as it were, his circumstances allowed him to do this. The people that he interacted with, and the natural vibration he gave off, created the life of a spiritual teacher who was able to travel all around the world giving humanity’s own wisdom for free.
It is an interesting correlation, because in the interview with Mr. Beast, he stated how his marked success unfolded by having only the desire to create videos on one website. This desire naturally attracted him to what he deemed as “a bunch of lunatics” who also shared the same desire, and in kind, they helped each other create success. Their meeting, is what masters would call a “destined event” that couldn’t possibly be avoided. Just like the individual who saw Krishnamurti’s pure white aura, and knew that he would be an influencer of a more profound kind.
So in this too, I desire something more. I have meditated enough to know that if I can’t make it doing what I love to do, I might as well head to the Himalayas and meditate all day (or something to that effect, in time). Haha!
As it is now, this place still needs my antics. If anyone can come to understand the joke, they may accept me and allow me on their computer screens for just awhile. And then perhaps I could finally find a place to allow my meditation to go further. Until then, I appreciate any input you— dear reader, may have on my spiritual quandary; as I write this verse:
My work can’t be said to be my own
Seeking the light of All
Infinite worlds, Infinite Gods
Searching for their value
They push me to innovate
Yet, when the still fine moment of clarity arrives
My work still can’t be said to be my own
Rokazulu's Mystical Eschaton 