I spent a few years in a community college learning game design. Though I felt as though I didn’t learn too much, I was reminded about one time when my professor went to erase the white board. When he was finished wiping the porcelain clean, he made a statement that stuck with me.
“Now let me tell you something”, the professor said with a slight tremble in his voice, “A blank slate is the scariest thing you will ever see”, his hand began circling the entire board. “Because within it, contains infinite possibility”.
Where to stand?
Our lives are infinite possibility. It may not seem like it to you now, but it is always the reality we reside within, like fish in the ocean. As the ubiquitous metaphor goes, the fish who are in the ocean are not aware of the waters in which they swim. Why? Because it is everywhere.
So to, we can see possibility everywhere. On a grounded level, we can look at our life and take any number of drastic actions. But, sometimes it may seem like some actions are out of reach. It is because of the one spiritual barrier that keeps us believing in our limitations, and that is the concept of time.
You may feel as though you want to learn quantum physics on a very esoteric level, but since you were never good at math in school, you always assumed that it was an impossibility. But, what is actually stopping you from learning the mathematics of quantum physics? Only a mere belief that you can’t. It is possible that you weren’t good at math because you had lazy teachers or weren’t taught techniques that fit your mental mode of thought. It is very possible that all you need is a tutor or someone close to lay it down for you, step by step.
Equally, you could desire something like being a musician and playing music for a living. While your musical talent is seemingly barren at the moment. Nothing is really stopping you from picking up a guitar this very moment, and just strumming the strings to see what it is like. Only a belief stands in the way of igniting a small kinder that could grow into a large flame.
The Evolving Journey
Most young people have absolutely no idea what they want to do in life. When we are brought up as kids, we generally have no special interest in anything that isn’t on television, in a movie, or can be played in a video game. We hangout with friends, and generally mess about in life. Basically, this seems to be the general path for most people even into their 20’s if not further.
Definitely, from my own experience, and speaking to people right out of high school. They have no idea what their interest is. We never seem to explore the idea of what our “role” is in life. This is just something that society expects us to know about ourselves with no real feedback from anyone about it. Since this is so, most people are thrust into the gauntlet of work and money, with no real idea of what they really want to do.
I never really knew either. I still really don’t know! It seems to be the case, that the things I wish to do, are not so easily accessible, due to how hard it is to breakthrough to the continuity of that experience. And for the things that are easily accessible, I never wish to do.
That sorta idea has changed recently.
Into The Void
Our fear of the blank slate is also an illusion it seems. Really, we create our reality through the limitations we have self-imposed upon our consciousness. Just as a deep sea diver must place a mask to experience the ocean, so to it seems, that the human being must place an ego to experience Earth.
For many years I have explored spiritual concepts that negatively attribute the ego as the cause of all our problems. While this idea is definitely profoundly useful for all of us to understand (now more than ever). Paradoxically, it is best to also embrace the ego. For the ego knows what it wants. And knowing what you want, allows you to create fearlessly, with relative ease
As an example in my life, at this moment. I never really wanted to market myself. Exploring mystical philosophy allowed me to see myself as no less or greater than anything else. Though expanded a point of view this was, it made me believe it “correct” to not put myself out there and to not highlight the idiosyncrasy of my own life, at any capacity. For I saw it all as very “unspiritual”. Or you know, something like selling out. (Not to say there isn’t a bit of truth to this).
Then I realized I had desires. Whoops. Forgot to mention this to everyone I met during my spiritual awakening. I desire things! Lots of things!
Fortune? You know it.
Sexual pleasure? Oh yes please.
Money? You have any? Because I will want it.
I desire THINGS.
Sometimes we can assume we are beyond these desires or beyond these things, but if ever we assume this, we have to really look at why we have these desires and see that these things are desired for a reason. The spiritual side of things is only a leniency towards a more positive way of expressing our desire. If a desire is to be let go of, it must be fulfilled in someway. Either in this life or the next. Probably another scary statement for most to hear. But, this is ok, as there are many avenues to fulfilling desire.
Just Start Scribbling On The Slate
For those who don’t know. It doesn’t seem to matter where you start, so long as you continue.
I started finding out what I liked to do the most, by simply looking at what I spent the most time doing. I guess I found myself playing video games way more than I probably should have been. Addicted by this, I decided to make my addiction a little more constructive.
I began by editing videos of my “World of Warcraft” game play. This spark was spontaneous and came out of my desire of wanting attention. As vain as it was, what it did for me was still pretty cool. It allowed me to be excited to learn how to edit. Something that may seem mundane and boring, became really interesting. Now it is a skill set.
I then realized that I could begin creating a game for myself on the most intuitive engine, known as “RPG MAKER”, which barely requires any programming knowledge at all (a plus for me, as I dropped out of college because of the overwhelming pressure of learning how to program in that format).
From here I actually started developing skills! Programming and creative writing suddenly became exciting because I was creating something for myself. Basically, my ego wanted to show something off to the world right away, and my ego wanted it to be something that only I worked on.
In this certain way, I then started to learn pixel art, and even piano and music for the slight advancement of content in my second game. Now it seemed like I was actually going towards a particular direction. It feels as though I am finally finding something I enjoy doing.
However, as Thoth has said before:
“One step thou has gained on the long pathway upward,
infinite now is the mountain of Light.
Each step thou taketh but heightens the mountain;
all of thy progress but lengthens the goal.”
There is a spiritual quality towards anything we do, that is for certain. It is perhaps strange to speak of video games and enlightenment in the same sentence, but just relate it to the work you are doing now. Always there is room to improve or areas that could be explored. All aspects of life have to be considered in our work as well, because relationships between others, our health, and our mental attitude, all serve us towards the same goal. Whether we realize it or not.
For my whole life I have been avoiding the idea of marketing and advertising. Being a mostly “spiritual” person, I felt like it was a gross and disingenuous way of interacting with people. Probably it is, but more definite is a desire that needs to fulfilled. And so, I am finally facing my fear of being a “businessman” (it was hard to even type that). I am now heavily exploring this idea and how it can relate to spirituality, video games or whatever the heck I am doing at the moment. Yet, like always, I have only been implementing the idea very slowly.
It is an interesting twist in the story of my life. I trust this isn’t a hero corruption story, but in fact, just another expansion of consciousness. Another positive way of expressing myself upon the blank slate of life. I trust also, that while reading this, you also saw it that way. You perhaps, can see the multiplicity of things and implement the ideas in your own way.
Perhaps better than I?! What a wonder that would be. To steal my ideas as your own!
(I welcome it)