The Unseen Endeavor In All Things

Today, I had a single thought, that I should start a new Youtube channel, and though brief, it did manage to disturb me.

I have always been within a maze of what I most desired to do in life. Since an early age, all I ever wanted to do was to play video games all day. I would avoid as much contact with anyone as possible, even if they invited me over to do exactly that, play video games. The avoidance of any type of interaction and real world engagement, felt very comfortable to me, and persisted that way through most of my life.

Then at a certain age I realized I would need to do something that assisted others in some way, of which, would allow me to make a living. To this day, that hasn’t quite happened. Perhaps, I have been assisting others through entertainment or the dissemination of useful knowledge, but I have yet to find that one thing that I do best. That one thing, that is both fun and easy, which additionally can support a very minimalist way of life.

While I was at my health club (sitting in the sauna they provide), I was doing my best in directing my energies towards more enlightenment. Which is essentially a trust that I am always doing what I need to be doing, so that I can focus away from thoughts of needing to do more— for the sensation of energy, from which they arise. This usually leads me to a profound state of bliss and peace with everything. Maintaining such a state lies the difficulty. Because it always seems as though focusing on thoughts are more useful than they are.

Recently, I have been exploring the idea, that maybe I am not doing enough to meet my material desires. Something of a tricky topic, because this is a pursuit that is common in our society, and has lead to numerous negative outcomes, as a result of many being entranced with its alluring ability to corrupt innocence. However, I know I deserve at least a little bit more than what I have now. And not just for me, but for many who are stuck with even less resources, and like me, have scarcely found a way out.

These insights spurred me into more action, I decided to write everyday, create podcasts every week, and do various other projects in my free time. But, unfortunately for me, there appears to be no end to how much work I could push myself to do. I could, for instance, use what money I have left, to fund advertising campaigns on social media. I could hire a business coach to help me refine my work. And still always, I could do something entirely different, like make a Youtube channel about… literally anything. Reviewing games? Talk about meditation? Talk about self-improvement? Give my opinion about the news? There is no telling what would work out for me, and what would not.

I am reminded of people who go to school for many years. They train to become one profession, and then once in those work environments, they decide to abruptly leave it for something else. Sometimes doing this many times over.

It seems to me, to be a blessing for those who have always had some type of magnetic attraction to what their passion would turn out to be. Thus, pursuing it with full determination, they were able to master that calling, and make a living doing what they have always dreamed of doing.

I sometimes wonder, whether it would have been better if some higher being descended the planes and told me exactly where my work was to be directed. If our society was structured in this way, it would perhaps seem a bit dystopian. Though, easier for the mind to settle into— such as in our history, when trade skills were simply passed along our family lineage. If you were born of a tailor, you knew exactly what you would be doing.

While considering all these things, I came across a reddit post on the spirituality sub-forum. This post claimed that they were able to create change in their reality, by simply complaining about the situation they found themselves in. I was rather intrigued by this idea, because I never actually tried it for myself. Curiously, the next day, I found myself walking to a secluded section of the park. Where I began to complain about everything. Very loudly.

Did anything change for me? No.
And it is good that it didn’t, because I like to refrain from complaints.

I am beginning to know, that this great change we of spiritual mind, say we desire— has to unfold naturally. Akin to care-taking a flower in the garden. We can’t command it to blossom at will. It has to blossom by its own accord. Time remains the only impediment to transcend, in our daily lives.

Like so, any action we do, we know why were are doing it. After all my thoughts of growing my wealth, I realized I would have been doing so anyways. Every action I took, did not require any concern from my part. It only required that I look at my options and chose what I felt would the best thing for myself and all who humored my work. Which can only be done in the moment. In other words, spirituality remains the pinnacle of all endeavors.

So I write this verse:

Clouds begin to grey
The sky darkens amidst misery

Voices speak of change
Voices against trickery

Taking steps forward
Standing before thunder

An unseen rainbow smiles again
I brazenly stop to wonder